So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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