she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
