I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm at about main and main street
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
