Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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