We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
