wrigley field is MILF paradise
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
