I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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