I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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