Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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