you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
