i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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