So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
