I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
