His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
