I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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