You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
