i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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