I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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