my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
