Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
we're making bets on your personal life
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i came on her dog
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
