Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
