He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
