If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
