I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
