Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
