Plan B is the new Plan A
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
