Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
