is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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