I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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