I'm really into asian looking animals
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
