There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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