Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
