I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
