I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
