I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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