but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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