can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
