My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
