I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
