I think my vagina is haunted
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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