lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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