just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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