I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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