Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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