The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
