If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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