Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
