Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
