hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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