Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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