i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We need to rekindle our bromance
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Rumble strips road head = magical
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
