McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I cut my penus on the lid.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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